A St. Patrick's Day to Remember

It's been a mixed week for us at Cardiff City. Last Saturday we were bitterly disappointed with our defeat at Filbert Street, but we feel we've made amends with a terrific victory at Highfield Road. Now we just have to make the games at Ninian Park count.

There was a bit of a fracas at the end between Tony G and Clinton Morrisson. Sometimes the press and fans overreact to situations like this, because in all honesty these sorts of incidents are just part and parcel of the modern game. What happened was that as the full time whistle blew, Clinton had threatened to flush Darcy's head down the loo back in the changing rooms. Needless to say Tony G was furious and reacted accordingly. Morrison is an ex-Palace player, so take it from me, it's no surprise.

It just goes to show what a good set of lads we have down here at Cardiff. When push comes to shove, and the chips are down, we're always willing to back each other up. A great example of the camaraderie and team spirit within the camp came on Wednesday.

We're at training partaking in a spot of head tennis, Full Squad vs Academy Lads, when Warren literally comes out of nowhere in his bright orange Nissan Micra. Tony Capaldi is in the passenger seat. It was good to see them, we don't often see either during the day as Feens very rarely turns up for training and Tony Capaldi works as an IT consultant in Cardiff City Centre during the week. Feens gets out of his car and he's holding his newborn child, only three weeks old, "OY!" shouts Feeney, "Could you do me a favour? Look after me wee lard will ya!?". Quinny's keen, but I'm not so sure, I've been in this game for years, I'm one of the few players at the club who saw "Three Men and a Baby" at the cinema, nothing good can come of this. Still, Quinny takes the baby to look after and Feens and Tony C speed off.

We've been putting a lot of work in training, and that paid off on Tuesday. We often play five-a-sides where one team starts a goal down and attempts to win the match. You obviously can't re-create the atmosphere and intensity of a full match on the training ground, but these sessions undoubtedly help. Unfortunately we're having to use the baby as a goalpost due to lack of equipment, I'm not sure where the equipment has gone but you can be sure Whitts is at the bottom of it. The baby works perfectly as a post, as at that age they aren't particularly mobile.

So, we're playing our five-a-sides, when Tony G arrives with one of his cousins from Liverpool. Tony G, like Feens, isn't the best of trainers, but it's not what you do in training during the week that matters, it's how you perform on the big day. Both Tony and his cousin are wearing huge green hats covered in Guinness slogans. It is of course St. Patrick's day. Tony G's come up with an idea of taking a trip to Barry for the afternoon, a few drinks, arcade machines, maybe even the log flume. Both Stevie Mac and Darcy think it's a stunning idea, I'm not so sure, but being a proud Irishman I have no alternative than to go along with it. Quinny wants to come along, but he's got Feens' baby, Macca makes the point that we're more likely to pull if we take a baby with us. It's hard to disagree with such logic, though it does seem unlikely, on the pull in Barry on a Wednesday afternoon? So, while Terry Burton's back is turned when he's searching for some cones (Whitts must have swiped them) we've all sneaked off.

Tony G, his cousin, Darcy, Quinny, Steve McPhail and I have taken the train to Barry. (Gavin Rae being too busy doing star jumps, squats and bleep tests to drive us there) Most football fans think it's quite inappropriate for professional footballers to take an afternoon off training to "go on a bender." But in my view it's important that footballers are given the opportunity to let their hair down once in a while and relax.

Once in Barry we've gone to the nearest Off Licence and bought some tins of Guinness and we've made a bee-line straight to the Island, and into the arcades. As we're in Barry on the walk down to the island Tony G is doing impressions of characters from Gavin and Stacey. We all thought they were brilliant (though Darcy's never seen it before as he has to be in bed by 8). His impression of Uncle Bryn is especially good ("I won't lie to you" cracks me up every time) and I am convinced that had Tony not become a professional footballer he would certainly have the talent to rival your McGowans, Bremners and Davros of this world.

When we get to the arcades we're surprised to see the gaffer's gaffer Peter Ridsdale in there, muttering something about "this being the last resort" and ploughing 2p after 2p into a machine. He's sobbing quietly. We do our best to avoid him. We're having a great time with Darcy pestering Stevie Mac to win him a Mickey Mouse, whilst Tony G and his cousin are trying to climb up the logflume. The Guinness is flowing a little too freely and both myself, Stevie Mac and Quinny have had far too much.

Quinny has impetuously gone outside and clambered into one of those Postman Pat vans that are for kids, I've put 20p in, the music's started and the van starts lurching forward and back and the well known Postman Pat melody has begun. At this point I'm pumping my fists in the air and cheering, it was an awesome sight. This is the best St. Paddy's Day I can remember in a long time.

When the machine stops and we've somehow managed to pull Quinny out (not an easy task, these machines are built for children, not for ex-Motherwell full backs) we go back into the arcade and Quinny is panic-stricken. He left the baby on top of the three armed bandit, and now it's gone! Quinny knows he's made a mistake, he's lost concentration at the vital moment. You simply can't afford to make these sorts of elementary mistakes and not expect to be punished for it.

At this point we notice Tony G and his cousin laughing, they've seen what's happened. Apparently, whilst Quinny was reliving his youth with a spot of Postman Pat tomfoolery Stevie Mac has swiped the baby and is on his way to the nearest Catholic church to get the child baptised into the Catholic religion. Steve is a great lad when sober, but gets some strange ideas into his head once he's had one or two. Feens, as a protestant will be livid when he finds out.

Quinny, relieved that the baby is in good hands (and let's face it, one person who's unlikely to lose possession of the baby cheaply is Stevie Mac) suggests a short stroll on the beach to sober up and clear our heads.

We finally meet up with Stevie Mac and the baby and make our way back to Cardiff to meet up with Feens at the stadium. When we get there we are amazed. Feens and Capaldi have spent the whole afternoon painting a Northern Irish style mural on the side of the Cardiff City Stadium depicting Steve McPhail in a compromising position. To give them credit the mural was expertly done, but according to the "powers that be" it had to be taken down before a delegation of Malaysians arrive at the club on Thursday. Apparently Wilko and the Academy lads spent a lot of Wednesday evening cleaning it off.

I've been in the game long enough to know that painting the mural was an insensitive thing to do, especially on St. Patrick's Day, but truth be told, cleaning the mural off is probably easier than un-baptising a Catholic child. At the end of the day these sorts of antics are all part and parcel of the banter that goes on at any football club up and down the country. Painting an offensive mural? Baptising a baby? Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

To finish, I think it's probably worth recounting a story from our short walk on the beach. We're having a marvellous time taking a relaxing walk when Tony G makes a comment about thinking he's discovered a form of time travel whilst watching Countdown. Turns out he's just turned it onto Channel 4 + 1! Darcy finds this hilarious and is ribbing Tony G about it for a good few minutes. It's at this point that Tony G has flipped. Tony's cousin has crouched behind Darcy and Tony G has pushed him over his cousin. Poor Darcy has tumbled into the sea and got his trousers wet. No amount of protesting from Darcy ("My mum's going to kill me.") could stop Tony and his cousin laughing, but that's Scousers for you.

Cardiff City face Watford at the Cardiff City Stadium on Sunday. Kick Off 3pm.